accepting help, pt. 2
This song came on during my drive home tonight, and I loved hearing it again (loved the tv show too… I think I’ve watched all six seasons twice!).
What stood out to me the most was:
“may you always do for others
and let others do for you”
To me, the second half of that is the hardest. I know many would agree.
I think this is beautifully put, and a powerful, moving, perfect wish for someone you love.
It reminds me of accepting help.
We want to give love and support to other people, and it’s easier to be “the strong one,” the one offering help and doing things for others…
But not leaving room for reciprocation and for the ones who love us to give us the gifts of their time, attention, help, and generosity in return steals the depth of loving community, the extra layer of shared humanity, and the important experience, both from ourselves and from them.
It’s important that we are and feel well-cared for. It’s also important that the ones who love us know they matter to us and they get to make a difference in our lives.
It’s hard for me to accept help sometimes. I think in this current season of my life, I’m learning more about grace and messiness. I’m learning more — slowly — about loosening up a little and figuring things out as I go. I have always been a planner and achiever, but it seems like the older I get, the less things seem within my control. The world just keeps expanding and expanding, and it can easily burst through the seams of my plans. I am starting to learn how to relax and accept and practice letting go of my worries.
Sometimes I really wish I was a more light-hearted, easy-going person, but I also know I don’t want to cement this narrative for myself — that I am just wound a little tightly, that I come by my anxiety for control and non-laid-back nature honestly, that I can’t help it, and that I don’t like it. Instead, I can see this area of opportunity within myself, and I can practice using it as a strength when it can be one and also practice leveling it off and not letting it take the reins in my life.
Lately, I’ve been seeing this as an area of opportunity for leaning into trust, faith, and flexibility. For reminding myself everything will be okay, I can have acceptance for what is (even amidst change or disappointment), and I can have my own back.
Furthermore, I have help and support, and I don’t have to figure everything out by myself.
Let others do for you.
I love the connotation in this wording of giving others the gift of allowing them to help you.
We need it. We need community. We need support. We also need to give it, and if no one is willing to receive — to let us give — then there will always be something missing.
So be willing to receive, too.
I love helping my friends. I love being there for the ones I love. I love making my family feel special.
If you’re like me and find it difficult to get messy, welcome grace, and not be fiercely, obstinately, over-achieving-ly independent… remember the people in your life love to help you and be there for you, too.
Let’s practice, together, welcoming the transformation of letting others make us feel held and seen and special. Let’s all lighten the load for each other. Let people in. Let them know what’s going on. Be brave and raw and soft and honest. Our vulnerability and our warmth are our strength. We’re warm together. We’re better together.
Give and receive. Just like you want the people in your life to let you help them, don’t forget to let them help you, too.
Even when it feels messy. Even when you want to say, “I’ve got this.” Even when you feel anxious about life being harder than you hoped or your plans getting knocked off-kilter.
Even then.
I’m learning how to be easier on myself and listen to my own needs more again. Those needs include responding flexibly and with caring curiosity when things don’t go as planned, and noticing when to take the help that’s offered — or even get brave enough to ask for it first.
Love carries us.
“May you always do for others
and let others do for you.”
❤️
