active happiness & big & small joys

Are the big joys actually any more impactful, long-lasting, or important in a life than the little joys?

I’m pondering this image I saw on the internet tonight:

Hmm... Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t think this is quite right. Not quite there. I think maybe it isn’t about setting the bar low “to guard ourselves against disappointment,” but I think maybe it’s about recognizing the equal importance of both the big joys and the small joys. Maybe they matter exactly the same amount. Maybe it depends on what joys you’re holding up in comparison, like maybe the magnificence of wonder and awe you feel witnessing some incredible part of nature or the world or holding your baby in your arms for the first time can’t ever be outshone by eating a chocolate and getting really cozy in your favorite chair. But they’re both joys. Maybe the point isn’t the comparison at all. Maybe the idea is really just to embrace all of it, every joy, every moment of delight and whimsy, and welcome it all with open arms, knowing each second of grandeur and each second of mundane, simple pleasure are the beautiful, needed pieces that make up your life. Knowing it all counts. Everything matters.

So I don’t think this is about setting the bar low to guard against disappointment, I think maybe it’s a suggestion from life for lowering the bar for what we find joy in so that we can walk into each day joyful and find so much more texture, richness, delicacy, depth, and vibrancy in our lives. That expansiveness and detail just won’t be there if we hold our noses in the air and believe we will only be happy and joyful when the Big Things happen. When we’re immersed in celebration for big joys AND small joys, our whole lives become joy (with the human experience of pain and challenge all woven throughout, of course).

ALSO, here is something I know to be true: happiness is not a static state. It is not something you can sit around, waiting for it to naturally occur — all the while wondering in frustration why you don’t feel happy already?! Happiness isn’t autopilot. Happiness requires effort and investment. Happiness is, I think, a state of action and intentionality, a choosing and receiving. It’s an embodiment of being grateful and doing something. Then resting and settling into it.

Happiness comes when you build it. Happiness is created in your life through what you decide to go after, through the way you spend your time, through your discomforts and determination. It can be hard to get happy! We have this idea in our minds that we should feel happy, so there’s dissatisfaction and turmoil when we don’t naturally, but often, we will be deeply happiest when we’re actually following through on some things we maybe didn’t want to do, and when we’re working for the bigger, better picture.

Sometimes you’ll feel mired in a muck of gloom (everybody does sometimes, don’t worry!), and you cannot just sit there until you feel happy again, wishing it would come along sooner rather than later! You will feel happy again when you get up and act.

One of our sweet neighbors walked across the street the other day to return a couple kitchen containers, and I told him thanks for walking them over.

He said, “oh sure, I needed the exercise! When I sit and watch tv, the news is just depressing.” (spoken by one of the wisest, most gracious, joyful, relaxed, least depressing people I know)

I said, “don’t watch the news, just go talk to your neighbors instead!” (referencing us — neighbors — talking; and knowing he regularly talks to many neighbors and cares greatly for the people all around him)

He replied, “yeah, I like that. Talk to your neighbors! The local news! All the news you really need.”

❤️

And tonight, I felt gloomy and stuck and like I wanted more Big Things, like I needed something of purpose and importance to be doing, and like I’m struggling to gain traction and don’t know what to do next. It was a tussle and a pout and an itty bitty fit, and then I dragged myself (protesting) outside for a walk with my dog.

Not even fifteen minutes later, I felt much better. Another neighbor, one I’ve never met before, discovered me walking and asked about my dog, and we talked for several minutes and each learned which house the other lives in, how long we’ve lived here, which neighbors we both know, and what we love about the neighborhood.

Talk to your neighbors. All the news you need.

Happiness doesn’t arrive in your passive, static states.

Go outside. Go do something. Take action. Build your happiness. Unstick yourself.

Treasure all the joys. No matter the size.

Eat a few truffles, slowly, savoring them.

Read a good book.

Go for a walk.

Remind yourself tomorrow is another day to live and fight and dance and love and enJOY again.