the unsung hero of great journeys

This morning I was listening to a friend share about executive dysfunction, the challenge to make a decision, and the strange and powerful feeling of shutting down and feeling really stuck and unable to move forward or figure anything out.

I am not a psychologist, nor someone educated on executive dysfunction or qualified to speak on the matter, but it got me thinking about my own overwhelm, waffling, indecision, and the one thing saving me and keeping me moving forward: bias for action and tiny next steps.

And I mean TINY. (I say as I ironically type the word “tiny” in giant, uppercase letters 😜)

So I was thinking of that post on tiny next steps, and I went back and re-read it… This is the general mindset and thought foundation I’m practicing operating from in this season of my life. I believe if I just keep going, keep showing up, put in consistent, repeated time and effort, and don’t stop — something great will come of it. This is how Tom Bilyeu talks about developing new skills, building excellence, and adopting a growth mindset.

And I also believe this process comes with a great deal of fear and lizard brain resistance. It’s uncomfortable to begin. I know there are points of overwhelm and uncertainty. I know this takes courage, energy, self-compassion, humility, patience, willingness, and hard work.

So in regards to tiny next steps: because the growth and goals we want can seem so intimidatingly huge and make us doubt our abilities or chance for success, sometimes we have to quiet and sort of “trick” the fear by moving forward an inch at a time.

As I read through the bias for action post, I realized it could be helpful to specify some examples of tiny next steps. There have been many in my life recently, and there will be many more. I think the thing we forget is that all we’re ever responsible for is our current presence and what we’re doing with it. You cannot be responsible for an hour from now or tomorrow or five years down the line. You will only be responsible for those times when they arrive, and when they do, then they — like right now — will also be your current presence. This moment is all you ever have any authority over, this moment is the only time and place in which you are able to take action, and it’s all you’re ever responsible for.

Not to confuse the matter… You can still choose to stack up present actions that build something beautiful and impactful that ripples into the future and affects Future You and countless others. This is the idea of taking responsibility for the future and the contribution you want to make. But in moments of overwhelm, when the goal or growth you want seems too massive for you to achieve, remember that the massive end goal isn’t your current responsibility or job. Because you can’t control that right now anyway. It can be your vision, and you can always be using your next steps in service of achieving it, but when it seems so big that paralysis is looming and creeping up on you, your responsibility is whatever steps you can take right now. That’s it. And then once those are taken, your responsibility in some future moment (which will actually just be the present when you get there) will be the next immediate step. This is how anything amazing gets built.

Tiny steps are the unsung heroes of the greatest journeys. Stack enough of them together, and your end point will be unrecognizable from your start. This is the process for taking responsibility for your future through merely doing your very best today to take proper responsibility for your present.

Example time. These are big ideas to talk about and weave together through practice, but they can be implemented very simply. It’s challenging, but it’s simple.

If you want to change careers and get an entirely new job you will love, it’s not necessary right now to know exactly what that job is or where, or how you’ll get it and what you’ll do there and how everything will turn out. It’s not necessary to have certainty or to rush to do the whole thing at once. Your next step: explore one possibility. Make a single phone call. Talk to one person. Send one follow-up email. Ask a question. Try something new. Open your mind. Choose literally just one of those things and do that. The motion will propel you forward to new motion and possibility. Perhaps the one phone call made will give you courage to make another!

Are you facing a huge life decision like a move or a relationship or another big This-or-That choice? All you can do right now is what’s right in front of you. Can you ask one question? Can you take five minutes to sit by yourself, get quiet and still, and see what your intuition says and what you really want and know, somewhere deep inside? Can you make one move, like downloading an application for the school, or looking up a house for sale, or somehow putting yourself in the next scenario? What’s the worst that could happen? Something will come of it — yes or no — and you will keep carving your path as you go, responding to whatever happens and getting more clues as each new scenario unfolds. You’ll just keep taking the next tiny step. What if?

If you’re overwhelmed about life maintenance and daily chores and can’t deal with the grocery shopping, the cleaning, the laundry, the cooking, the messes… can you pick a single tiny thing that will have an impact and just do that? Maybe meal planning, recipe gathering, shopping, and ingredient organizing is waaaaaayyy too much; we tend to think “food” is one task, for example, but generally we overachieve and expect ourselves to automatically and immediately be able to complete something that involves many steps and details. You can always just take the tiniest one thing and do that first. If you decide on “food,” your first step could be “eat a cheese stick” and then you figure out what’s next. Your first step could be “get in the car” if grocery shopping sounds too annoying and massively overwhelming. If it’s the chores and the messes, maybe your first step could be “put one thing away.” “Pile everything into one room and close the door.” You can come back later! This is progress that simplifies where the mess is centered and gives you some space and openness to clear out the overwhelm as you get to what else needs to be done, whenever you can get to it.

Are you making giant plans for a holiday or exciting life event? Trying to coordinate the household social life? Let all the noise and details fall away. Look at one thing. A single date or a single detail (choose the main dinner dish or the location or the activity, just pick one thing). Make that one decision, and let it be cleared from the docket in your mind. Send one text that confirms pending plans. You don’t have to do it all at the same time, even though, if you’re anything like me, your brain — which might be trying to keep track of it all at once — likes to make you think you do.

Generally, this tool of sidestepping and “tricking” fear and overwhelm has been working very well for me, because — using these examples — I still go on to apply to more jobs, explore more options, make another phone call, put myself out there, invest energy and effort, clean something else up, actually go to the grocery store and get the job done once I’ve put myself in the car, connect with friends and family who matter to me, have exciting plans to look forward to, make more progress on my goals, etc… but the point is, you can coax yourself along through each massive undertaking in your life one step at a time.

And a step is smaller than you think.

Anyone can take one step.

You will stand out and go far because what sets you apart is your dogged willingness to just KEEP taking them. Over and over. Before you know it, you’ve left the Shire, gone farther from home than you’ve ever been, seen beautiful wonders, faced devastating terrors and losses, arrived in Mordor, achieved what you set out to do, and made it back home.

And that doesn’t happen all at once. It’s just too big. If you approach a little hobbit with that daunting list and invitation, they will probably turn you down because they know that isn’t something they can do. But if you invite a small hobbit of great heart and courage to step outside the door, a journey has begun.

So when it comes to goals and your great vision for your life, a crucial skill is your ability and willingness to pick something you can do right now, something you have agency over, whatever it is you want to devote the next fifteen minutes of your life to — and then do it. Yes, I see what you want to achieve in the next twenty years and where you hope you’ll be when you’re old… so what are you doing right now, for that dream? What is the next, tiniest step?

We imagine others out there are far more capable or ready or amazing than we are, and we imagine they have it all together or have an easier time with all these things in their lives than we do… that maybe we’ll feel less fear or overwhelm at some point in the future… but the reality is, the entire package is just the experience of being a human, and you never feel confidence, ease, or courage, without first being willing to take a step, do something really hard, face your fears, and move forward anyway. The people you admire most have had to do — and continue to do — the exact same thing.

You’re capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. Help yourself out. Break it down. Take the next tiny step. Don’t get stuck; choose to move through by developing a bias for action. They can be small actions, but if you just keep moving, everything compounds to a mind-blowing degree. Keep going.