carrying the load

One thing we can do for each other, in showing each other love and support in action, is paying attention and carrying the load together, even when we’re both overwhelmed.

If I’m up to my eyeballs and feel like I cannot keep up, wondering when I would possibly ever find time to do XYZ, and you also are in this similar position…. And yet you take the care and effort to notice how I might be feeling too and see where I could use support, by talking about the situation or feelings or by offering to take something off my plate, no matter how small, that makes an enormous impact because it lets me know I am not alone. I might be overwhelmed, but I am loved and held up by you, someone seeing me and offering me a bit of strength and nurturing compassion.

The action of noticing and doing something lifts a weight. It also binds us and fosters connection and care. When we care for each other in this way, we can each make the other person feel more treasured and held. We can do hard things, together. We can acknowledge that we are both a little swamped under and we both have struggles, but we can make it all feel much more bearable for one another by shouldering it united instead of solo.

Even if it’s the same amount of challenge — the same load of weight — under two rather than one, it feels much better.

This is one reason we crave community. We need belonging. We’re designed to collaborate and take care of each other. We’re meant to be loved and helped.

The payoff is huge to take the thoughtful, intentional action of considering what your partner or loved one is feeling and carrying, and to make the small but monumental move towards them to say “I see you. I understand. I’m sorry this is hard. I’ll be here with you in it.”

This can be done in countless ways, large and small. It’s verbal and nonverbal. It’s listening and understanding. It’s compassionate. Crucially, it’s motion. It’s action. It requires giving something of yourself and being there for someone else.