enough is enough

Eventually, we get tired of the thing slowing us down, getting in our way, or maybe even hurting us.

When we reach the point where we have become tired enough of our own excuses and our vices and that thing we’re doing, it’s a pivotal choice moment. Once we go over the brink of being so done with something, the results we get from it, and how it makes us feel, there’s finally enough discomfort and impetus for change. Because the thing just cannot be anymore. It’s become intolerable to us.

Sometimes this is a massive thing, like addiction. Sometimes it’s a “small” thing that creeps its way in, like too much tv or social media or gossiping. Too much negativity or complaints. Often “too much” of something. Judginess. Isolation. Overeating, numbing your feelings with more food. Not taking good care of yourself, in whatever form it takes.

I experienced this “tired enough of myself, my excuses, my own BS” feeling the summer I started a transformational personal health and fitness journey that has evolved me into a very different, much stronger person. I remember the specific afternoon I felt so done with my bad habits and mental weakness and negativity and complete lack of connection with or care for my body. I remember where I was sitting, how I felt, the thoughts running through my head, and finally the absolutely determined, no-questions decision to commit to making a change. A big one. Doing something different.

There was finally no doubt in my mind, because it was time. I knew. I was ready, I was willing to stay committed and invest the effort. Because I was absolutely, entirely UNWILLING to continue on without growth and improvement, in the same spot and same feelings and habits.

I hadn’t felt that way a couple months prior. Or the week before. Or maybe even a couple days. It finds you when it finds you. You listen when you’re ready to listen.

In my situation, I did it for my body but also predominantly for my mind, mental stamina, grit, resilience, and perspective. I was tired of my mindset being so off. I committed to a fitness, nutrition, and mental habits program, started going to more gym and studio classes, kept at it every single day, and started seeing big changes. Fast forward a little over a year and a half later, and getting into movement and nutrition, powerlifting, walking, dancing, and being more in tune with body and the enormous impact its health has on my mind and the rest of my life — suffice it to say, it was one of the greatest decisions I’ve ever made. For my body, my strength, my grit, my outlook and mindset, my health and habits, and my confidence and joy. Absolutely life-changing.

But sometimes you just aren’t ready for the change… until you’re ready for the change. There’s the thing (the bad habits, the lack of health, the addiction or “too much,” the vices or excuses), and you might hate it on some level, but sometimes not enough to do something about it. Until it’s no longer acceptable, and you MUST do something. Until there is some sort of wake-up call or you find yourself tipped over the edge, unable to continue in the same way anymore.

And it doesn’t have to be a massive red flag or life-endangering circumstance or anything wildly dramatic. Maybe one day you just wake up and realize: enough is enough. It’s time. This is the day.

All great transformation starts with a decision, a small change, the first step.

Sometimes we won’t ever feel ready until we just start moving forward and doing the work, and that is one hundred percent each of our own jobs and our individual responsibility. You are in charge of your life and in charge of the choice you can make at any time, in every moment, to “step toward your freedom.”*

I’ve also experienced this sort of thing on a low-key level, with smaller things than that life-changing summer redirection a year and a half ago. I’ve felt something similar (but more miniature) with mindless food habits and with screen time, like coming to the end of a week realizing my eyes are so tired of looking at glowing digital devices for hours and hours every day, at work and at home. Realizing I need a break or some better boundaries.

There is always the option to make a change just because you want to, because you fancy it. You can do something different whenever you feel like it! Just for fun! Because you like the idea. Because you have the self-awareness to realize how you’re feeling before it becomes a big deal, to recognize a move (big or small!) that would really improve the experience of your life.

You don’t have to reach rock-bottom to finally make a change. Not all choices stem from that can’t-take-it-anymore place. I think if we’re living our lives wholeheartedly, in alignment, and with health and happiness, as much as possible, then probably most choices will not be a tipped-over-the-brink scenario. We can be constantly in the dance of balance and motion, adjusting as we go, tuning in with self-awareness, being responsive and self-compassionate to our needs, and catching challenges and problems before they escalate out of hand.

But sometimes tipped-over-the-brink is what it takes. When it happens, it’s an invitation, and everything can be different from there. Welcome to the new world as you know it!

*P.S. Laura McKowen has a great way of approaching this whole concept, especially in reference to addiction as in her personal story, but I think her advice is useful and applicable beyond just addiction. I especially love the pieces I’ve highlighted in pink here…

“There’s a scene in Mad Men where Don is sleeping with another woman who isn’t his wife, and it’s New Year’s Eve, and the woman asks him what he wants in the coming year.

He says, ‘To stop doing this.’

That’s how it is until it isn’t. We get to thinking a future self will be better equipped to do the hard thing. We say, ‘tomorrow,’ as if they will never stop coming.

There’s a saying that procrastination is the denial of death, and although it’s morose, it’s true. There’s no time when the conditions will be perfect; you will not be better equipped tomorrow than you are today. You will be you, living this life, and you’ll either be stepping toward your freedom, or you won’t.

When I finally had my last day one, the conditions were not perfect. I had to travel to Las Vegas and NYC and there were holidays and I was getting a divorce and I had a small child who needed me and on and one. I stopped seeing drinking, finally, as a way to cope and instead saw it for the dead-end it is.

You will never be sorry you started today. You can push off from here, right now.

You never have to see another Day One of whatever it is you’re leaving behind.”

P.P.S Want another real-life example of mundanity and actual, impactful everyday magic? I drafted this post on a Friday night, and the next day, Saturday morning, my husband suggested we tackle a closet clean out and organization project that has been overwhelming us both on a basically daily basis for over a year and always seemed too annoying or big to take on and take care of. So we just lived with it, for many months! But then this pivotal choice moment arrived, we had the burst of energy to start, and we were tired enough of the annoying thing that we finally wanted it to end badly enough to put in the effort. 😆 Many hours, half a dozen laundry loads, lots of cleaning and throwing away/donating, one IKEA trip, and some assembly time later… and it’s nearly finished! Haha. But also??? We’ve had tons of fun doing it! Much less terrible than imagined. Lots of work, to be sure, and some exhaustion and soreness. Yet it’s very rewarding. It was overwhelming at the start, but it got easier and easier as we went; now, even though I have a good chunk of work left and stuff to put away, I know it will be easy and exciting, and everything is set up and figured out from here on out.

We put up with it for so long because the itch of bearing the problem seemed more tolerable than the itch of fixing the problem and doing something different. Until it didn’t anymore!

It’s a move only you can make for yourself and only I can make for myself. “Stepping toward our freedom,” in whatever way necessary, available at any time…