on fitting in, pt. 2
A continuation from on fitting in…
Your intrinsic worth and baked-in belonging can never be separated or taken away from you.
If you ever find yourself in an environment that doesn’t feel true — somewhere you don’t belong — please do this:
Remember who you are.
And go shine, being magically you.
I was thinking this morning about showing up somewhere everyone seems a little different from you; maybe they have a different style, they want different things, or they like stuff that’s different from what you like. This is like an open mic where everyone seems to play hard-driving classic rock n roll, with some blues-y and country influences… but I want to play soft acoustic music and love songs.
It’s easy to feel insecure and to imagine no one is going to like you (or your style, your songs, fill in the blank…). This is a great challenge to rise to: being who you are and who you want to be, and being unapologetic, sincere, and delighted about it.
In a culture (and personality/tendency) of people pleasing, this is difficult and scary, and often, my impulse is to see what I can do to share the parts of myself that more closely match the environment. Or to intentionally try to keep up or fit in, at least a little more. For example, which songs do I play that are faster or grittier? What parts of me/my work/my style/my life will these people like and be able to relate to?
Sometimes this isn’t the answer. I was trying to turn these thoughts on their head this morning and imagine a totally new approach.
What’s the best that can happen???
What do I really wish for?
Who am I? How can I just move forward being my true self, no matter what, remembering that’s always enough and I always belong? How can I remind myself I don’t have to fit it, and it’s okay to be different?
What if they love it?
What if I can learn it really doesn’t matter whether they do or not? I think if we keep living our best and truest story for our own lives, with deliberate intent and effort, then the situations, environments, and people we need and long for will fall into place.
What if being who I really am — even when that means showing up willing to be different and create some contrast and stand out — is actually a breath of fresh air?? We imagine worst case scenarios in our minds where people will not like ways we are different from them, but what if that’s precisely why they end up loving our music/style/friendship/work/personality? Because it’s interesting and diverse from their own. What if we can start building, trusting, and being part of communities that celebrate variety and mulitplicity?
Do not tear yourself down. Never belittle who you are and the dreams you carry. We can be our own worst critics or our own best allies and companions, and it is worth the acceptance and celebration work to be a friend. Be on your own side.
Remember who you are. There’s so much power in this. Who are you?
Believe in your gifts and your dreams. Share them because you long to. Be genuine and true to yourself. Do this all for the doing of it, because it makes you better, because it must be done, because it’s what you really want, because it’s your imperative.
Imagine on the bright side, not the dark side. What if exactly who you are is exactly what this place is missing?
You don’t have to fit in. You don’t have to make other people happy. Make yourself happy, in the truest, deepest, strongest sense of the word. Other people will either see this and be genuine and happy with you, or these are not your people, and you will find the connection and belonging you are looking for somewhere else. But it’s always within you first; you already belong.
Remember who you are.
