self trust, pt. 2
I have two small recent examples of times I did not trust myself, but countered my own instincts instead, and both turned out poorly.
Funnily enough, they’re both related to food. 😜
For Thanksgiving with my husband’s family this year, I made my dad’s recipe for the yummiest butter horn rolls I’ve ever had. He bakes them fresh every holiday, and it’s one of our favorite parts of the meal. They are so unbelievably soft, flaky, flavorful, warm, fluffy, buttery, and delicious. Eating them is a nourishing holiday treat.
I asked him for the recipe and bravely decided to give it a shot. This isn’t up my alley; I don’t do a lot of cooking or baking, and I’ve only made bread from scratch one time before this.
But I wanted to try it, and they’re just so incredibly good! I wanted to contribute them for Thanksgiving with my in laws and neighbors, rather than just buying rolls at the store (which we’ve always done in the past).
I was so nervous and excited and proud of every step. The dough was turning out well, and it rose beautifully, much to my relief.
I baked the rolls as my dad’s recipe instructed, and then when the timer went off, I asked my husband to take a peek and tell me if they looked done. We agreed they could stand to stay in a tiny bit longer to reach a golden color.
Here’s where things get dicey. I set the timer for another minute or two, and then we checked them again, and before I knew it, Jake’s mom was peering in to help, also suggesting bake longer. Jake thought they didn’t look quite done, and my mom-in-law was confident they needed more time.
I didn’t want to underbake them, so I acquiesced, while nervously voicing my concerns about burning them or overdoing it, drying them out.
It felt like this repeated a million times (it was probably only 3 or 4!). I just didn’t know; I’d never done it before. So I trusted the opinion of someone older than me, who has cooked things for longer than I have, and my husband’s opinion, saying I should keep getting them darker and more done.
Of course, this isn’t a big deal thing; this isn’t letting someone else pressure a life-altering, important decision or path, such as spiritual identity, careers, relationships, whether to stay or go, where you live, how you find success and contentment, what your day-to-day life feels like, etc.
These are just dinner rolls. It’s just a Thanksgiving side dish at one of many annual family celebrations. No biggie.
But the lesson is vital.
Listen to yourself. You do not have to constantly look outside the bounds of your own wisdom to poll other people and follow someone else’s advice or seek the majority opinion.
You can stand tall and brave.
You can trust your intuition and voice.
The rolls were very overdone. The bottoms were ruined; they were just too crunchy and hard and brown. They weren’t burnt, necessarily, but they weren’t a pleasant texture, and they were hard to chew. Nothing like the buttery, light clouds my dad bakes and serves!
The recipe exists for a reason. I was the one following the recipe. I was the one who had a vision in mind for how I wanted the rolls to turn out. Hell, my sweet mom-in-law had never even had these specific rolls before! So why did I think she would know better than I?
Beyond that, Jake’s parents tend to like things a lot crispier and more browned than I do (pizza crust, cookies, etc), which has been an ongoing point of conversation between him and I for years. I knew this! I should’ve stuck to my plan and listened to my own opinion, right??
Today is Christams Eve, and I’m making the rolls again. The dough is rising as we speak. Today, I’m going to follow the recipe, use my own good judgment, not listen to anyone else’s advice for baking longer, and hope they turn out as dreamy as my dad’s! 😉
So that’s the first example of a recent situation going against my own instinct, to a less-than-desirable turn out. The second is about food poisoning, most unfortunately…
Last week, we took a multi-day roadtrip to Wyoming, and it was a blast! We spent the week with our closest friends, exploring, seeing new places, being introduced to their childhood and college spots, enjoying a lovely Airbnb, watching Christmas movies, laughing, and having fun together.
On our last night together, we were looking for a dinner place where we could get takeout. We were all really tired and ready to stay in. We found a Ramen place on Google Maps and agreed to go pick some up.
I didn’t realize it was in a mall, which was my first pink flag. I wasn’t thrilled about that, but I reasoned against the warning in my head, telling myself it would be fine. There were lots of people sitting at the mall tables, eating there, so I was sure it would be okay.
We got our orders and went back to the Airbnb.
When I opened my ramen, it looked great… except the “soft boiled egg” was basically transparent and liquid good. It looked almost raw. It was barely gelatinous. It was pretty gross. The four of us had a long conversation about it — we each had an egg on top our bowls of ramen — and I even asked, out loud, if I should just scoop it out. We discussed around and around in circles and decided it was probably fine. Of course, again, I was logic-ing myself into a decision I felt badly about. I thought again of all those people sitting in the mall eating ramen, and I specifically remember thinking to myself, “people wouldn’t eat there if the food made them sick. I’m sure we won’t all be sick tonight.” As if the number — again, looking for majority opinion, or mass decision — was more important than truth or best judgment.
You can see where this is going and how it ends. I’ll spare you the terrible and nasty details, but I was very sick. All night. It started within an hour or two of eating the ramen, and I am now three days out from the incident and finally starting to feel recovered, strength- and energy-wise.
Trust yourself! Follow your instincts! Listen to your intuition!
They’re there for a reason.
