telling stories
Don’t live vicariously through other people.
There’s an easy, cheap, appealing pull to gossip and drama, being “in the know,” having a fancy scoop on someone else and a great story to tell…
But what if it isn’t YOUR story to tell?
What if you could live and tell a story that belongs uniquely and wholeheartedly to you? One that you are building brick by brick as you take one step after another along your yet unknown path.
We want to hear YOUR story. Tell that one, please.
I’ve been thinking about talking and listening lately, and why, how, and when we engage in both.
I’ve been thinking about wanting to listen more and talk less – which is challenging for me because I love to talk, but I hope as I grow older, I am learning to love not just talking but quality conversation (a two-way street, a patient path of wisdom and storytelling, something shared with someone worth sharing it with, more depth, more gifts).
I heard this amazing acronym yesterday: W.A.I.T. – Why Am I Talking?
Can I learn to speak only when there is a reason for my doing so?
I don’t want to endlessly talk just to fill silence or end up being someone with words no one pays a lot of attention to because they’re so abundant and careless that they don’t hold much meaning.
I also don’t want to be someone others feel unheard by, a poor listener, always jumping in to add my own voice again.
Why Am I Talking?
When we have kindness to share, truth to tell, a unique perspective to offer, and a valuable contribution to make, I think that’s the time to talk.
When we don’t know very much about a subject , don’t have anything helpful to add, or need to take a turn being introspective, open, quiet, and still, I think that’s the time to listen.
May my words be kind and useful, inspiring and worthwhile.
May the things I say be of value and service to the people around me.
May I not just talk to hear my own voice, to sound impressive (it doesn’t usually work anyway), or to feel important.
May I be a trusted and earnest listener.
May I grow and pay attention.
When we are sharing a story, may it be our own.
Let’s try this: tell fewer stories about other people and their experiences. Those stories belong to them. They can share those with the world.
You have your own story. You are writing the plot and dialogue of your own life.
Even when you might not believe it, your story can be great, and it is worth sharing. It is within you and always unfolding, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Don’t live vicariously through other people. Do not sit by the sidelines, watching with longing and jealousy, as others have the experiences and joy and successes you wish you could have, and then enviously talk about their highs and indulgently talk about their lows. It’s all too easy – the excuses and broken narratives are ready for you to employ, you can tell yourself they’re special and you aren’t, you can think you might not have what it takes – but it isn’t true, and it doesn’t serve you.
You can leap. You can try all the things you think might not work. What if they do? And if they don’t, you can try again.
You are living a story, and this is your chance. You can be your own hero. You can make this narrative as wonder-filled and fantastical as you wish.
So go try something, and then come back and tell us that story!
Telling stories that belong to other people can only get us so far because it isn’t our story to tell. Bragging on someone else’s victories as if we shared them will eventually feel stale (please note, this is not the same as being proud of your loved ones and cheerleading the hell out of them), and pryingly mentioning others’ losses, failures, or embarrassments will only add more nitpicking gossip and gloominess to world.
Lift us all up.
Live a great story. Share it whenever you’re ready. We’re waiting. ❤
P.S. I heard a study this week sharing that our brains are wired to create and be attracted to drama when they aren’t engaged enough in a big, creative project and in the problem solving they’re designed to do. Amazing. If you want to remove drama from your mind, your story, and how you interact with other people, one important thing to try is making sure your mind is creatively engaged and challenged. Do your work. Live your story. Enter the arena. Make your contribution. Use your voice. Get into your life; experience and create and try. Keep going!
