the cave

Hiiiiii!

I wrote this first on a blank Google Doc page, because I knew I needed to write today, and I wanted to publish a blog post, but I didn’t know what I had to say.

I didn’t know what to write about, and I felt like there would be nothing original, and I don’t want to sound always the same, a broken record, a tape on rewind and repeat, forev-ev-ev-ever. 

I think this particular insecurity – fear of producing mediocre content, of my best work being used up and running out, of becoming a “past-hit” wonder – probably stems from my fear of being seen as incompetent or embarrassing.  At its core, this is just a wounded belief that I am not enough.  I might not be good enough.  I might not be doing enough.  I might not be amazing, impressive, or successful enough.  My work might not matter.  It might not be creative enough.  Maybe it won’t have a deep enough impact… or any impact at all.  I might not be liked.  I might face rejection.  I might be subpar…

So the risk required to put something out there anyway, and say “oh well” in the face of those possibilities and fears (no matter how improbable they may or may not be), is a great feat.

This is simple.  Hard, sure, but simple.

We must not listen to the unhelpful voices.  We must not believe lies, even (and especially) ones we tell ourselves.  We must choose to disarm the advances of Not Enoughness, give ourselves whole love, and move forward through fear.

Then we are victorious.  Then we can be free and make what we’re meant to make.  Then we will build resilience and courage and deep, beloved, safe joy.  Then we can be consistent and unbound and just keep creating!

So first, we don’t believe the lies or adopt the unhelpful monologues as truths.  We dare to challenge them and grow.

Then second, we keep going.  We do the damn thing.  We make our art.  We live our lives.  We build and sing and write and try.  We go after what we want and what we imagine.  We show up and we don’t give up.

This is for all of life.  It started about writing, of course, but it’s for everything.  I fear inadequacy, ridicule, judgment, embarrassment, and not measuring up in general, and battling that in writing helps me practice it in life.  Realization and overcoming applies everywhere.  Just keep going.

Today, I put myself in front of the page, put my fingers to the keyboard, and I started writing, because it’s a priority I am holding, whether I feel like it in the moment or not.  Whether there is fear or confidence today.  Whether it’s inspiration or commitment getting me there.  Whether it’s a day of excellence or just practice.

All in all, every bit of it is practice.  I’ve been publishing to my blog for very nearly six months, and I haven’t missed my goal to publish 25 each month yet.  I am almost halfway to my 2023 total goal.  I am building a practice and commitment, I’m trying to get better at something, and most importantly, I’m nurturing myself, my awareness, and my creativity through this habit and space.

We do this in our lives, too.  Character development and facing deep fears to move through them, heal, and grow tends to be more abstract work, so sometimes it’s hard to measure or know if we’re getting somewhere.  But the same idea holds up.  If we pay attention to what we’re meant for, who we want to be, who we’re becoming, what we’re building, where our areas of opportunity are… and then as often as possible, every time we can remind ourselves, whenever we have a chance, we practice – then over time, we’ll succeed.  Keep course correcting.  Keep showing up for this muddy and golden work.  As Joseph Campbell so famously said, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” (Watch the most perfect manifestation of this ever…)

Everyone is afraid of something.  Everyone has some type of broken belief that holds them back, but we can learn to know ours and overcome them.  We don’t have to let fear run our lives.  I don’t have to be ruled by the need to prove my competence, originality, and impressive prowess, or else keep myself safe and take no risks.  There’s a better way.  I can give a nod to the part of me that feels all this is necessary and then remind that part of myself until the end of time: I am already enough just as I am, and those fears and efforts don’t actually keep me safe as they’re intended to.  I can thrive and try new things and be met with joy, love, acceptance, and adventure.  I can live the life I dream of.  I can make something and share it.  I know better than my insecurities, and I can give them grace and compassion, but not the steering wheel.

I don’t have to work to prove my competence, ability, unique spark, or worth, in writing or in any realm of my life.  This is great news!  This frees us up to focus mental energy and effort on stuff that really matters.  This lets us keep going.  Because now we can make decisions and make art, without all the noise.

Seth Godin writes a lot about moving forward and doing your work, regardless of reassurance or promised outcomes, and regardless of your feelings or situation, especially in The Practice.

Austin Kleon writes about this stuff too, and I love his post, “Without hope and without despair.”

We do it because we must.  Why spend any time pushing back against whatever it is we really want to be doing, and why let all of this get in the way?

You aren’t too new.  You aren’t too dumb.  You aren’t incapable of making an impact.  You’re not incompetent or boring or a failure.  You’re not too unoriginal.

You’re YOU!  You’re worth the risks.  You’re worth the courage.  There isn’t anyone else just like you, and we need every one of us to show up and contribute our best.  We’re here to live our lives, in the best ways we know how.

Also?  SO WHAT if you aren’t unique or spectacular or exceeding everybody else??  It really doesn’t matter.  It’s not your job to be.  There will always be someone better than you, but if you never start, everybody will always be better than you!  So are you going to let it stop you?  No. You will create what you’re meant to create, because it lives in your heart and wants to be expressed, and you will have whatever impact you have, and someone else will have whatever impact they’ll have, and it’s not a race or a competition (in life’s comparison game, everyone loses all the time anyway, so don’t play it), and we will all make the world a better place, together.  Collectively.  United, we’re outstanding.

Do not sell yourself short.  Be bold and share your work and your heart and your best tries.

Just keep going.

P.S. 🎶🎶🎶 (click to listen)