the myth of overnight success

Overnight successes almost never happen overnight.

I was reading about this somewhere else recently (I think it may have been in James Clear’s audiobook of Atomic Habits), and I saw it in real time this week.

My piano student has been working on a fifteen page adaption of Hungarian Rhapsody for seven months. It is advanced and dense, crammed full of variety, nuanced and technical, very long (currently takes her 16 minutes to play, and she’s flying through most of it at a quick tempo!), and the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen a music student do.

This week, she finished learning it. She can now play it, from beginning to end, with both hands. All parts. WOW.

It’s easy to celebrate the big, flashy wins. When something tips over the edge of its behind-the-scenes momentum, into very official, noticeable, public success. The piece is finished! She can now play the whole thing! She can tell other people she knows it, with no caveats. She can perform it and share it. Or even if only for herself, she gets to reap the reward of her hard work. How impressive, so exciting, what a proud day!

In our piano lesson tonight, as we sipped blood orange Italian soda from fancy celebration glasses, I made sure to mention to her we were not just celebrating today. We were not just celebrating this achievement. We were celebrating so much more than the completion.

That’s another very important topic; we must celebrate ourselves and our glorious lives and every inch of forward progress made! Every sparkle of beauty, every iota of resilience and courage, every moment we can stop and remember to be proud of ourselves doing the best we can!

It’s easy to celebrate when something’s finished. DONE feels like bragging rights. DONE feels like you’ve earned something. People say they’ll rest or reward themselves or be happy WHEN…

The problem with this is, of course, as we all intellectually know, the goalpost will forever keep moving. If we are only able to celebrate and be proud of ourselves and enjoy our lives WHEN abc happens, that joy and celebration and contentment may never come. We’ll achieve abc and then there’s def, and g and h and i, and on and on….

Furthermore, what a missed opportunity to be kind and delighted with ourselves and our lives every day!

Only celebrating when we reach a finish line feeds into the illusion of overnight successes. If we do not practice building up ourselves and others around us through the entire process of tending to our dreams and the lives we want to live, through the messy middle, with consistency and tenacity and boredom and resistance and courage… how easily we forget. How easily we forget THAT is where the real everyday magic happens.

The magic is in the daily inputs, no matter how small. The handful of measures you play here, the afternoon spent poring over the piano there, the hour you gave to that page, the commitment to shipping X amount of work on X deadline and then doing it again and again… The bravery to keep making — whatever your “making” is — even when it feels lame or inconsequential. Even when you’re tired or scared. Even with many excuses offering themselves to you.

Showing up.

Everyday magic is in the small moments and large efforts and acts of love. Everyday magic is faith in the process and persistence for your vision of the future. Everyday magic is working on something with devotion, even when you have no idea when the finish line will come, because you love it and the doing is the point. Everyday magic is the moments that make up our lives, when we are living and trying and doing our best.

There is no overnight success.

Today, my student can play this fifteen page piece all the way through. Did she go to bed one night unable to play it and then wake up the next day with the glamorous ability? Are these sorts of accomplishments and skill levels only granted to those with natural-born talent, or more luck than most, or someone like them, someone other than us??

…No!

Today, she can play this song on piano. She has worked on this exact piece since February. What about before that? This is far from her first… she’s been playing piano, with great dedication and consistency, lots of practicing and experimentation and love, for over four years.

I made sure to tell her today, as we toasted and sipped our sparkling drinks, we were not just celebrating the completion. We were not only celebrating the accomplishment.

We were celebrating who she has been all along the way! Isn’t that far more important?? Because of that, because of who she has grown into and how she shows up day after day, I have no doubt there will be many more achievements similar to this in her future. It is an inevitable by-product of the musician — the person — she has become.

She is someone who sticks with what she loves. Who gives time, effort, and care to improve. Who practices. Who wants to be better. Who has an indomitable, terrific, warm, and optimistic attitude toward life and what she is working on.

As I said to her, “I want to be sure you know we aren’t just celebrating today or finishing this song, we’re celebrating everything leading up to it and all the practicing you do…” she totally got it. Right away, she responded, “Right, because this song didn’t take me seven months to learn, it took me four years.”

When we only glorify the finish line, so much goes uncredited.

Reducing celebrations merely to moments of great accomplishment feeds into the idea that we are only worthy when we are being exceptional. It fuels the thought that we must control outcomes and guarantee successes (which is not usually within our power). It takes away the vitality of our humanity and pushes us to hustle, because the process isn’t enough unless we’re producing perfect achievements.

Whole, healthy, proud parents do not only look up and notice their kiddo when he or she is a public, shining star, gaining a heavy gold crown of definition… they are proud with delight and support at the small dance moves, the one liners at the dinner table, the scrappy drawings that go up on the fridge, the child’s million ideas and experiments.

We can say to ourselves: be unremarkable! Have fun! Enjoy yourself! BE yourself! Give with your heart, follow your curiosities and wandering desires and interests. Be generous and bold. Don’t give up. Have patience. Believe in what’s coming down the line for you. Trust in the big picture this will all amount to. Keep showing up. Stick with it when you’re bored and when you’re scared. Do it even when you feel like a fraud or an insecure imposter. Live your life the way you do because you love it, not because you are trying to win any races, gain accolades, or meet imaginary metrics. Shine brightly, in your own unique, beloved way, and celebrate it every day.

It’s too much weight to place upon ourselves — upon anyone — to only take note at the moment of accomplishment. We deserve our own love and celebration all along the way! The way is the whole point to begin with! This is who we’re being, and it’s so much bigger than just the glossy finish line.

They are not overnight successes; they are dedicated, courageous people, with hearts full of passion and boring, everyday consistency, unwilling to give up and very willing to invest what others won’t.

Do not discredit this. Do not discredit it in yourself. What can you be proud of yourself for? How are you building a better tomorrow, with every tiny imagining and act of love and creativity? With each act of service and vote for future you, with every generous moment, with stacked bricks and unbroken chains.

We are linking together who we are becoming, for better or for worse. Whether it’s someone we WANT to be or not.

It’s in the tiny stuff.

It’s what adds up over years.

It’s what takes us to wherever we’ll end up next.

This builds the glamorous, showy successes that feel like bragging rights.

And it’s the magic of our daily lives, the moments we wouldn’t trade, the time we wouldn’t take back for anything. It’s what is most worth it. This is what you should be proud of.

A toast to all of us. ❤️🥂