when to call it quits
I find it very challenging to know when to stop sticking with something. When I’ve started a project or want to see the end of something, I tend to get hell bent on just going until it’s done. It’s hard for me to begin, work an appropriate amount of time, and be satisfied with that so I can come back later and pick up where I left off.
The very idea of having to come back to it — of there being something that requires my return — often pisses me off. I don’t want to have to do the thing, whatever it is, again, so my logic is I should just go HAM on it until it’s off the docket. If I haven’t completed it to perfection, or at least to the point of no longer needing my attention — which is often equated with perfection, in my hyper-attentive, picky, over-achieving moments — then I can’t stop.
Of course this isn’t reasonable or kind or effective. My strategy has long and often been to keep digging in until I’ve finished it or — when finishing in one go is impossible — am blue in the face. I will go so far as to ruin my night, letting one activity consume it, because I can’t picture stopping and having to come back to the irritating, unfinished task at a later date.
A prime example is tonight’s pesky, barrier-ridden path to completing my 401k rollover paperwork. This actually cannot be done in one shot. I can’t access one of my accounts, and the customer service help line is now closed until tomorrow. Another one of my accounts is sending something I need BY MAIL, which means I won’t have it for 10-14 business days, according to the nice chap on the phone. So why not stop with the rest of the frazzle dazzle hassle and get back to it when I have that other necessary, time-restricted piece of patience-forcing paperwork anyway? Do I actually have to finish everything else tonight? No, but I find it damn near impossible to let it lie, and to give up for the day, have some fun, and get some rest.
At least, not without a reminder…
Jake, on the other hand, is often okay with calling it quits when something isn’t working. He knows how to say, “it’s enough.”
OK, I’ve shown up, I’ve given it my best, and it looks like it’s not going to pan out today. So be it. I’ve done enough, and I can come back later. Some progress is better than no progress, and I don’t have to achieve complete success for this to have been worth it. That’s it for now.
Sustainability for the long haul. What do you need? Is there anything important you are denying yourself in dogged pursuit of this obsession? Is there something else you should be prioritizing in this small moment and big picture?
Jake will casually walk through the room when I’m laser focused on something, and his voice will be full of concern and warning as he says something like, “don’t forget to rest” or “don’t do that all night, okay?”
…it’s enough. You can come back tomorrow. Great job on your best effort.
