when you’re ready
In regards to following your delights, I recognize this is more easily done when you are in a good place.
I worked at a job I hated for almost nine months, and though the job took very little energy, investment, creativity, or care from me — which theoretically means I should have those in spades, outside of working hours — I felt so unhappy and unmotivated that my personal life was less colorful in powerful ways, as well. Rather than feeling like I had so much time and creativity, so much energy I was ready to invest in other things of my choosing (like learning Spanish, etc.) since it wasn’t needed at work, I felt depleted and stuck. What’s the point?
I started a new job almost two months ago, in a position that is so perfectly suited for me, it’s crazy, and I absolutely love it. I love my role, I love the work, I love how I spend my days, I love how much passion and care I have and invest now, I love the environment, team, and industry…
And even though all of that takes SO much more out of me, my work time is FAR more packed and exhausting, it can be overwhelming to bear such care and responsibility, and I put forth a lot of effort and have less energy and time now, outside of work…
Despite all these things — maybe more because of these things — I feel energized, engaged, plugged in, and more motivated than I have in a long time. Even in my personal life, though things looks different now than they used to (routine, schedule, and capacity-wise), I feel happier and more interested and engaged. I’m looking at the sky a lot. I’m noticing so many animals on my dark, early morning drives to the gym. I’m working out and writing and finding lots of meaning in my time once again. I’m pursuing hobbies and interests.
My work is fueling this.
It’s crucially important to pursue the dreams and wishes within your heart, big or small, and yet I also recognize sometimes that doesn’t feel like a feasible or healthy capacity option. Sometimes it feels a little out of reach. Sometimes it isn’t the prompt or advice you need, no matter how crucial, true, or life-giving it may be. Sometimes when you’re in the hole, you just need to pour your energy into finding a way out of the hole.
(I am not saying no good things, hobbies, or interests existed in my life before, I was only miserable, my new job has solved all my problems, or anything so black-and-white as that! I was writing and lifting even during the job I hated. I was growing and proud of myself and working to find joy in that season too. But I am saying more and more is blooming and blossoming in my life now than before, and getting “out of the hole” and into this amazing job was a large missing piece that’s made a big difference, for sure.)
I’ve just been thinking today about how part of me wishes I was doing these things I long for — Spanish, space and stargazing, music — so much sooner than now, but part of me also recognizes maybe I wasn’t in a place to at that time. My joy was dampened, and I was learning and going through struggles, and I didn’t have the delightful curiosity and motivated energy to follow my delights.
If you’re there too, that’s okay. The delights will still be there when you’re ready. Mine are.
Let’s try not to beat ourselves up for not doing better, sooner. For not knowing what we didn’t know. For not sticking with what we care about. For not taking action earlier. For the trials we’ve gone through or mistakes we’ve made.
We’re all learning and growing. We’re just doing the best we can. That’s enough. You are remarkable and resilient and hard-working, and you should be proud of yourself.
