attention amplification, pt. 2
Tonight, I listened to part of a podcast episode starring Julia Cameron as guest host, and she was talking about “giving the Universe your coordinates” and, through writing, asking yourself questions such as:
-Where am I at?
-How am I feeling?
-What do I like?
-What do I dislike?
-What do I want more of?
-What do I want less of?
I think my life has been feeling a little drudge-y and gritty and heavy lately. Lots of good and hard stuff all mixed together. I’ve been tired and stressed and worn down often, and I’ve allowed myself to feel bitter and angry. Sometimes I’m gray and gloomy (much like the weather outside, though we’ve been getting beautiful snow, and I saw rich blue skies to contrast all the white today!). Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and stuck and purposeless.
And sometimes I’m totally grateful and excited and inspired about various things going on right now! Like my blog, friend stuff, some of the things Jake and I have done together, a particularly good day or routine met or awesome gym session…
Basically, I am starting to wonder if maybe my life is feeling drudge-y and gritty and heavy because I am focusing too much on what is drudge-y and gritty and heavy. The object of your focus and attention becomes amplified. I think maybe I have accidentally been amplifying my struggles in my mind and with others, and in doing so, had less focus and magnification on my joys, magic, and successes. Or even the benign, innocent neutrality and normalcy in my days!
I was thinking about my favorite writers, leaders, speakers, creators, and coaches, and how they each have an aspect of the world, humanity, and what they see that they focus on and work from, and my favorite ones aren’t the ones who are constantly highlighting everything that’s hard and going wrong. My favorite ones are the brave ones showing up with joy and shining a bright light. They say, “yes, the world can be scary, but it’s also wildly beautiful, and we can love and dance and create and have courage together.”
Sure, it’s true there is a certain necessary freedom, permission, and comfort in being able to acknowledge what is hard and going badly or is just wearisome and draining; it does us no good to ignore parts of our lived experience in favor of good vibes only. You are always allowed to be honest, tell your truth, and not squash down how you feel, no matter how messy or heavy or inconvenient.
And also… part of life is pain and hardship, part of life will always be exhausting and difficult, stress will never be entirely eliminated, and we have to learn to really live anyway.
This is it!
This is the main event! (This is your flight of stairs, as Tara Schuster says.)
Today is the day!
If I am unable or unwilling to keep my primary focus centered on the flow of goodness, magic, creativity, potential, joy, beauty, and love in my life, I will miss this main event, or find myself entirely derailed by exhaustion and wearing blinders of pessimism.
There is always going to be that challenge to rise up and meet. You’re always going to need to rest and take breaks and care for yourself with compassion. Things will never be all perfect, all at once.
That’s okay.
This is it.
There are things that feel terrible in life, and we can feel them, but we do not have to maximize them and make them so much worse.
If you’ve ever found yourself in such a season of being beaten down by drudge-y, gritty, and heavy, maybe it was just your time for that, and once you have felt and processed and grieved and raged and complained and learned what you can… you can move on and keep shining brightly.
I want more bright joy.
I want more neutral acceptance and contentment.
I want more focus on the flow of good.
This is it.
❤️
