the imperative
Written (mostly) June 10th, 2023
Before starting my day, while lying in bed one morning last week, I re-read everything I wrote in my journal the night before. It took me about two hours to write, filling eight pages, going as fast as my hand could carry me, not being able to keep up, palm and fingers cramping as I tried to catch my thoughts, compelling and insistent on being written (powerful magic)… yet it took less than ten minutes to read back, ha! It’s like lovingly, laboriously cooking up an incredible meal and then watching it be eaten in a handful of minutes!
I heard Seth Godin say in his livestream book launch party for The Song of Significance a couple months ago that the most important book you will ever read is the one you write. I teared up instantly when he said it. I felt like he was speaking directly to me. I’ve been thinking a lot about that; writing something wholly true and raw feels like that. Like I’m doing what I’m really meant to be. I think any dream, in lively, engaged pursuit and action, is going to feel that way. It is so important and feels so pressing to create, then so moving to take in after the fact, because it’s imperative you do it. It’s a dream that needs to be born. And it is only yours to birth!
Music is the same for me. I know because I’ve experienced it before; it used to be my whole life, and I don’t think that just goes away. I know because it’s calling for me now. I know because of the deeply JEALOUS longing I feel whenever I watch an amazing music tv show or movie (or even short trailer!) about a band or artist, filled with their journey, their art, their songs, their harmonies, sounds that fill me and torture me with ache and love, their passion and collaboration on display… and that is what I want.
The deeply vulnerable thing is this: I know because it’s what I’ve told myself, for a smorgasbord of reasons, that I cannot have.
No longer.
What a bold thing for each of us to even discover and say this. What a brave, honest, squirmy, delightful act.
What do you really want? What can you claim as your own, letting your heart lead, and listening to its call? What exactly is it that you’ve convinced yourself you can’t have, for a long list of “Perfectly Reasonable Justifications?” What is it that your soul aches for anyway? Do you really want to go on denying it?
At any moment, you can decide: no longer.
