the ineffectiveness of the one-eighty
I spent a wonderful evening talking with someone dear to me recently, and she mentioned this generation is one that is finally recognizing the ineffectiveness of responding to something from our past or upbringing we hated or that was harmful for us by going to extremes to do the exact opposite.
Turns out, this doesn’t work.
No child can get out of childhood with zero baggage or trauma because no parent is perfect.
But taking the thing that caused our trauma or created our baggage and trying to make a complete 180 from it will hardly give us the freedom and recovery we want.
The phrase “be who/what you needed when you were young” has become really popular and widespread, but I think it’s missing something crucial; the kids and generations that come after each of us don’t necessarily need the same things we needed when we were young because they are each unique, individual, different people, and their situations are all different from ours.
So I believe “be who you needed when you were young” doesn’t cut it.
Be what the child in front of you needs.
Every kid is specific in their own ways.
Who do they need you to be?
A far more effective approach to responsive, authentic care, connection, embodiment, leadership, and parenting.
As we become who we’re meant to be — who we truly are — and as we take responsibility and ownership for our particular amalgamation of struggles, traumas, and responses, we get to choose the direction we move forward in.
Instead of making a drastic turn to the exact opposite of what was hurtful for us, we can find a truer path.
It’s not black-and-white.
It’s not this or that.
It’s not 100 or 0.
Where is the middle?
Where is the messier, harder, better balance?
What’s the good you can keep and the bad you can change?
What’s the better and truer we can each imagine and can build together?
Have the courage to not wall off or surround yourself in the opposite extreme that makes you feel safe or free.
Instead, grow.
It’s harder.
But it’s better.
